The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Review and Why You Should Retire Early

I don’t get much time to sit and read anymore other than for work.  Leisurely reading largely ceased when my wife and I had little ones.  We joined the 2 under 2 crowd and a lot of extracurriculars got re-prioritzed.

Instead, I now listen to audiobooks, typically on my morning runs or when commuting in the car.  A recent listen to Bronnie Ware’s The Top Five Regrets of the Dying really drew me in.  Not only did I benefit personally, but I also garnered some takeaways that are helpful to share with my clients who are approaching retirement.  If I could make it required reading for those in their 50s, I would!

Overall the book was well-written and engaging.  It blended Bronnie’s life story with lessons learned from many of her palliative care patients.  The top five regrets are listed below.  

"I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."

"I wish I hadn't worked so hard."

"I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings."

"I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends."

"I wish that I had let myself be happier."

One of the recurring conversations I find myself having with clients is aiming to convince them to go ahead and retire.  Occasionally a client genuinely loves his or her job, and gets both satisfaction and purpose from their work.  Most people I talk to however do not have a true love for their work.  

I will depart from many of my contemporaries, however, who say you must “pursue your passion.”  Sometimes you just need a job.  But what happens when you don’t?

Almost weekly I will talk with someone who is in a position to be able to retire and doesn’t love their job, but is still working.  To add a clarification on the word “love”- it may be more fitting to use the word “enjoy” or describe it as finding satisfaction or joy in.

I truly enjoy my work.  If money were not a thing, I could see myself continuing “working” in some capacity in my field.  I love meeting new people, talking about what matters most to them and helping them map out the future.  It brings me life and I get to live vicariously through my clients.  But do I “love” my work?  I’m not sure.  I love my wife and my kids and my friends, but I’m not sure I can use the same word for work.

So why do those who don’t love their jobs keep working, especially if in a position to not have to?  Is it that they don’t believe they will be financially okay?  Is it out of anxiety for what retirement might look like?  Is it that they have never even asked themselves the question?  Have they just mindlessly followed the crowd that retires at 62 or 65 or 70 because that’s just what you do?  It harkins to the first regret mentioned in the book about living a life true to yourself and not what others (might I add society) want for you.

I’m not sure I have a complete answer, but what I have learned is that there is a general apprehension about retiring.  Habits can be hard to break.  And for the average person, waking up and working is a 40-year habit.

I’m not sure I could condense all my postulations on the topic into a single blog post, but I’d recommend reading (or listening to) Bronnie’s book as a starting point.  Whether you are in your early 30s or early 60s, it will hopefully serve a mirror through which you can reflect on your life and determine whether or not you will share those same regrets.

In the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest-running longitudinal study on happiness and health, it was found that the people who were most satisfied in their relationships (spouse, friends, community) at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80.  Satisfaction in relationships was a better predictor of health at age 80 than money, social class, IQ or genes.  In fact, it was a better predictor than cholesterol, nicotine and alcohol usage (except for extreme users).

What if the 50-year old who is in a financial position to retire quit working and spent more time with family and friends?  Would that yield better health outcomes?  That could be extrapolated.

Even greater than health outcomes, close relationships were the number one predictor in life satisfaction and self reported happiness. 

Could early retirement be an antidote to the last two regrets (not keeping in touch with friends and not letting oneself be happier)?

Unsurprisingly, one regret that did not make the list was “I wish I would’ve worked more.”  Even armed with this knowledge, it can be difficult for those eyeing down retirement to make the leap.  The unknown can be scary.  Change can be scarier.  

If you are not yet in a position where you could retire and have the standard of living you would like, may these lessons help you narrow your focus and drive you to adjust your efforts to create a life with less regret.

If you are unsure if you are in a position to retire, consider getting professional advice.  Ask the question when can I retire?  With how much?  What do I need to do now to better my odds?

If you know that you are more than secure and could retire, but you haven’t, ask yourself why not?  You may be the minority that loves their job.  Or maybe all your close friends/family are still working.  But it’s worth really asking the question.

My goal is to never let those regrets become my own.  I hope the same for you.